Insult to Injury
by KeepCalmAndFanfic
Summary: The Bladebreakers are on a cruise to Russia for the upcoming tournament, and while most of the gang are enjoying themselves, one resident sourpuss can't seem to shake his blues. However, there's much more going on behind the scenes with him than they realize - they'll have to save him from himself, before it's too late. (set in season 1)
1. Carte Blanche

It was the first time Tyson had been on a boat, much less a cruise, and he was excited to say the least. He realized how unnecessary it was to provide the members of an up-and-coming professional beyblade team with a trip on a cruise ship just to get from point A to point B but boy, he was not complaining. Kenny, on the other hand, wasn't exactly having the time of his life. Between the throwing up and the vomiting, with puking in between, he wished he had never stepped foot on the godforsaken sea vessel.

Fortunately, he wasn't the only one who didn't seem to be enjoying the trip. Their team captain and resident enigma Kai was also hiding away in the shared room (well, 'also' until Kenny made the enlightened decision to head down to the ship's infirmary so as not to literally puke up his guts). He just laid on the bed reading, something he could have done anywhere but chose to do in the privacy of the room. But hell, they were on vacation, they could do whatever they wanted.

Ray and Max were down in the classy all-you-can-eat buffet, wondering where Tyson was, polishing off their plates of Mexican nachos and Thanksgiving turkey. It was not Thanksgiving, but Max was trying to educate Ray on what the holiday was about in America, and why they celebrated it. "It's all about family, feasting, and football. Once you got that, you're basically a naturalized citizen," he spoke with his mouth full of stuffing. "I wonder what the others are doing."

"I don't know, there's so much to do on this cruise! It's impossible not to have a good time," Ray said.

Unfortunately, he was not aware of the situations of his two fellow teammates, Kenny and Kai. Kenny, at this point, was being released from the infirmary with a bottle of Pedia-lyte and some Dramamine, and was seeking out Tyson for something to do. Kai was still in their shared cabin, but had stopped reading a while ago (Crime and Punishment was not any more interesting in the original Russian than the translations). He assumed he would have a lot of alone time, as the rest of his infantile team would be preoccupied with the various activities and restaurants aboard the ship than their stuffy cabin.

At this point, you may be wondering why _Kai_ was not interested in the various activities and restaurants aboard the ship and instead remained in their stuffy cabin. The decision seemed ill-informed and rather, well, boring to his teammates, who were certainly _carpe diem_-ing it up on the short trip. It didn't make sense to them for someone to hole himself up in their small, cold room for any longer than it took to sleep at night and shower in the morning. But Kai was the Enigma, what could they say.

But back to what he was actually doing. As Kai no longer found classic literature compelling, he attempted to find an amusing television program to watch on their TiVo. He could never find the appeal of watching moving pictures on a screen, and abandoned the effort after ten minutes. He was at a loss of what to do. At any other time, he would have gone up to the gym on the sky deck and worked out for a few hours, or even to a cafe to listen to music, drink coffee and people-watch, but he was honestly feeling a little sea-sick himself and couldn't stomach the idea of being around other people in general. So instead, he laid in the fetal position on his and Ray's bed and stared at the wall for a good twenty minutes.

* * *

"Have you guys seen Kai around?" Ray asked. He and Max had just met up with Tyson in (surprise) the ship's dairy bar, where he'd just been finishing his third cup of soft-serve and was waiting in line for his fourth. Despite being full from lunch, Max and Ray decided to get in on the free ice cream action and talk with Tyson in line.

"He was going to stay in the room, right? What a buzzkill," Tyson said, not even removing his eyes from the mound of vanilla-chocolate swirl he held.

"Yeah, but probably not all day. I'd assume he would have left by now, at least to get something to eat," Ray noted while trying to figure out what to get. "I haven't seen him around though."

"He's probably fine, Ray. He's always up and moving more than we are, it'd only be natural to want some down time in between his taskmaster routine," Max replied. Truth be told, Max hadn't really thought about Kai in a while, or the fact that they hadn't seen him since that morning when they left for breakfast. He knew that Kai wasn't really a breakfast person but he also wasn't the type of person to stay in one place all day. Being quite hyperactive and excitable himself, he was well aware when other people had trouble sitting still or staying in one place for lengthy periods. Not that Kai was a fidgeter, like, at all, but he was definitely wasn't one to stay static for long (he disappeared more than frequently).

Max wanted to see Kai. And it seemed odd that they hadn't accidentally ended up in the same place all day, as often happened when the members of the team were trying to spend time alone. In New York, they had somehow all ended up in the same ma-and-pop kosher deli at the same time while exploring on their own (admittedly not the most sound of ideas, but at least they found each other eventually). The uncertainty made him worry.

* * *

Good thoughts do not come to Kai when he spends time alone with nothing to do.

He knew he was just a beacon of negativity. He was rarely praised for anything good he did and always reprimanded for the bad things. He felt as if he permanently didn't belong, and knew himself to be one of those people in the world who others only ever _tolerated_ and never actually wished to be there. He was awkward; he was a jerk. He had to prove himself with beyblading because that was the one thing he could reliably do, and even now he was wondering if he deserved that domain. Tyson beat him. Tyson, a newbie to the sport, against Kai, a seasoned veteran. Kai couldn't remember how long he'd been blading, and he couldn't remember a time when he wasn't highly proficient at it, but it had to have been longer than Tyson. So how could Tyson have beat him? Tyson was _fun_ and he was _amiable_ and he was inexperienced, but he was damn good. How could Kai, a _dull_ and _spiteful_ and _horrible rotten miserable goddamn sonofabitch_ with one thing to his name lose to _him_?

Honestly, how could he expect to win? Tyson had everything on him, and Kai had nothing. Maybe that's why Kai seemed to hate the younger blader so much. He couldn't admit the jealously.

Kai turned over in his bed. The seasickness had more or less gone away, especially now that the boat was out of rocky waters, but the cloud of shame and despondency that hung over him refused to evaporate. It was a bit uncharacteristic of him to wallow in his feelings - Kai had a very strict policy against self-pitying - but it seemed like no matter how much he tried to think about something else, or work up the energy to go do something productive, he would find himself back where he started, digging his own grave.

As was the nature of Kai's black days. It had been about a year since his last one - guessed he was due for another one. He appreciated that he was able to truly see himself for who he was and see himself in the light that everyone else saw him - the stupid, ugly truth - every time he found himself having a streak of narcissism like he was earlier in the competition. At certain points, he must let himself be absorbed by the reality of his actions and "otherness" that he shuns the rest of the year. _Defective. Useless. Shameful._

He wondered why anyone bothered with him at all. Could they not tell how much of a scumbag he was? Did they not care about him, only his blading skill? If that were the case, Kai would be pleased. That would mean that at least they thought he was strong, even if not as strong as Tyson or Ray or Max. But they also might just be humoring him, trying to get him attached and then breaking it off because they were done with him.

That was probably it.

Kai loathed himself, but he could never bring himself to suicide. It seemed somehow even more undignified than just existing as a background character. Internally, though, it seemed like the most logical course of action. If he died, likely there would be controversy for a week and then he would be forgotten, but it would make the years that he were around futile. _But_ \- there would be food for one more person if Kai were not around to eat it, space for one more person if he were in the ground, and anyone who knew him would not be bothered with him anymore. That, more than anything, made sense to Kai.

He knew that if he told anyone about these thoroughly-considered thoughts, they would try to stop him. They would spout lies to get him to stick around, lies about him and his worth, which he would never believe but would be forced to pretend to. He would always know the truth, so he decided to just never tell anyone. In addition to the lies, they would look at him weird. They would pity him, and think him weak, and never let him be alone with his thoughts or any sharp objects again. He would be even more of a burden.

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

Kai set his two feet on the floor, pushed himself up, and made towards the bathroom, chaining the cabin's door.


	2. Just a Flesh Wound

"Ugh, what time is it?" Tyson whined. He also dragged his feet as loudly as possible across the wooden Plaza Deck and huffed every few feet. His teammates collectively rolled their eyes at the antics.

"It's been about five minutes since the last time you asked, why don't you take a wild guess?" Ray retorted. He was getting pretty tired too, as the Bladebreakers had spent the last hour or so searching for Kai all around the ship. At this point, the only place that they hadn't checked was their room, but only because Tyson was sure he wouldn't be there. Even _he_ was reconsidering his stance. "Why don't we just go back to the cabin. He might be there, and even if he isn't, he'll have to come back at some point tonight. He can't exactly _go_ anywhere."

Tyson sighed. "I guess you're right. I'm beat! I could really go for some room service just about now," he thought aloud. They started walking back in the direction of the stairwell.

* * *

Every time he did it, the act was like him giving up on himself a little bit more. At least, that was the way Kai saw it. If he saw a path to redemption, he wasn't interested. This was just like any other vice, and he deserved it.

These were the thoughts running through Kai's mind as he robotically made the incisions on his upper legs and forearms. Shallow enough to avoid the risk of hitting any major artery, just deep enough to make it hurt. And it hurt like a bitch. Kai had a pretty high pain tolerance (in anyone else's opinion, just not his own), but the dull razor blade scourged his pale skin until there was a mess of inflamed, oozing cuts superimposed on the fading scars beneath. A fleeting sense of irony crossed his mind as he recalled the archaic procedure of 'bloodletting' that failed as a treatment entirely since ancient times; drawing his own blood, however, brought relief to what some might call a mental sickness.

Relief though it was, the effect was short-lived. After, he was just a fool covered in his own blood, and he was stuck with knowledge that he was the one who drew it. Shutting off his brain again, he went through the actions of cleaning himself up, first in the shower, then on the closed lid of the toilet, wrapping his forearms and the tops of his thighs with gauze and adhesive bandages.

He slipped into more 'socially acceptable' clothing and made sure to hide any trace of his actions in the cabin and on his body. He actually felt better now, physically, even as his cargo pants and baggy sweatshirt tugged at the freshly wrapped wounds.

Still, the shame hung over him like a cloud. At least he felt like he could breathe again, with the giant weight of circling thoughts off his chest, but a darkness still permeated his psyche. He walked to the Fiesta Deck, hoping for a pick-me-up to follow the first act.

* * *

When they got back to their cabin, Kai was nowhere to be found. Max and Tyson searched under the beds and the covers, but Ray took a more rational approach to looking for their enigmatic team captain - logical induction. He noted that, even before being overturned by his overenthusiastic teammates, none of the beds had been made up since that morning, meaning that the housekeeping services either hadn't been by at all during the day or that the room had been occupied until recently. Kai's clothing that he set out the night before had also vanished, and been replaced with his pajamas.

Ray moved onto the bathroom. At first glance, it was untouched from that morning, but Ray had the better sense than to trust his first impressions. He stepped into the middle of the tiny bathroom and shut the door.

What felt different? What felt off? The situation itself had begun to feel odd to the Chinese, encouraging him to look harder. There was a slight dampness in the air, like someone had just taken a shower, but long enough ago that the mirror was no longer fogged up. The sink and counter, narrow as it was (the ship's bathrooms were slightly claustrophobic and majorly crammed) housed most of the team's toiletries, along with the racks and trays along the mirror. Ray didn't like looking through people's things, but he noted that Kai's leather toiletry was tightly zipped like always. To say nothing of the rest of the team - they were all slobs and left everything lying around everywhere. Ray tried to keep tidy.

Not making much of the small bathroom, he locked the door and lifted the seat of the tiny toilet. Nature called. He finished up and flushed before washing his hands. Looking for an unused towel to dry his hands on, he realized that there were only three sets of towels in the bathroom. He was sure that there were originally four like they requested, but the fourth set was nowhere to be seen. Ray wiped his hands on the towel he used that morning and stepped out into the room. His eyes swept the walls and the floor - even the ceiling, but the towels did not appear to be in the room at all. It wasn't like there was nowhere they could _be,_ but there was no reason for them to be anywhere but in their suite. Maybe _one or two_ towels, but the washcloth, handtowel, _and_ the bathtowel? That was just weird for them all to disappear. He didn't want to make any preemptive assumptions, however.

Tyson and Max were sprawled out across the two queen beds, channel surfing on the TiVo for something to watch. Ray felt uncomfortable just sitting around, in his opinion, while Kai was out doing who knew what. He figured that his teammates, sans Kenny, would understand his anxiety, but Ray didn't think he was fraught over nothing. Kai had a bit of a destructive streak, even when he didn't mean to be. It was just a part of his personality, in a way, that he didn't always think things through with respect to himself and his own personal safety when he went through with an ill-conceived act. At least with his other teammates, their impulsivity was obvious and hadn't much mystery about it. With Kai, he could seem perfectly reasonable and clear-minded when he did something completely irrational. Only in retrospect did he note his errors. Ray hoped it didn't get him into trouble sometime, but he could only hope.

"I'm going for a walk before dinner," he told the two large children on the beds. Only Max bothered to look up.

"Whatcha doin', Ray?" He asked.

"Um," he mumbled, reaching for his book on the bedside table, "probably going to the library or the skydeck to read. I'll scout out some new places for dinner, if I can."

"M'kay, have fun!" He called out to Ray, who was already leaving, "but not too much fun."

* * *

He hadn't eaten all day, but Kai didn't care if his stomach rumbled as long as his nerves were soothed.

He was feeling more alive after his 'operation' earlier, alive enough to socialise and become inebriated. He knew he wouldn't be served looking fourteen years old. He was crafty. The bar was surprisingly dark (for the time of day) and crowded (for the time of day). Many of the cruise-goers, apparently having let their vacation go to their heads, had left their personal belongings lying willy-nilly around the bar. It wasn't difficult to swipe a passenger card, some lipstick and various other makeup things, but Kai ventured to the arcade, also on the Fiesta Deck, to "borrow" some forgotten articles of clothing. He slipped into the family restroom, locked the door, and examined his spoils.

It would do, in a pinch.

Kai was nearly getting to the age/point in puberty when he couldn't do this anymore - not that that was really a shame. He unzipped his pants, letting them fall down to his ankles. The skirt he'd found hid his boxer briefs, but the gauze and bandages were still very visible under the black fabric. Shrugging out of the sweatshirt revealed a new problem - his scarred forearms. The pale pink top did nothing to conceal his damage, and everything to reveal his collarbones. He really didn't want to think about where the lacy bra he'd found had been as he squeezed himself into the contraption. Slicking on a little lipstick and only barely avoiding poking himself in the eye with some eyeliner, Kai put the finishing touches on his disguise.

Nice, he actually… looked like a girl. Maybe in her early twenties. Maybe not the most well-endowed, but more importantly, not obviously _pubescent dude._ He tested his voice.

"_Hi, I'm… Krista._" Passable, but he probably only had a few more months left before the timbre of his male voice betrayed him. He brushed his hair into a side part, securing it with a rubber band. Now, he faced the decision of what to do with his injuries. They should have been healed enough for him to be able to remove the bandages, but they would still be visible.

After a moment of deliberation, he decided to liberate his skin. It was dark in the bar, anyway - the chances anyone would actually make out the evidence of his self-injury were low. Lower, in his opinion, than the chances of anyone clocking him as a dude.

Stashing his real clothes behind a potted plant by the bathroom, Kai swung back into he bar. He knew how to play a part, even that of a woman, surprisingly well. What mattered was confidence - and ignoring the internal cringiness of his exploits. If he let himself think about it, he actually found himself quite uncomfortable. Beneath his costume, he felt naked - exposed.

However unusual the means, Kai's plan worked. The key card he'd swiped from someone's bag showed his age to be 23, and to keep his conscience relatively clean, he paid in cash rather than bill the room directly. The bartender kept them coming, apparently accustomed to cruisegoers drowning themselves in booze.

After some arbitrary and far too low number of vodka shots (and pretty pink cocktails that Kai would normally not be caught dead drinking but actually enjoyed quite a lot) later, 'Scott' the bartender cut him off. _That's alright._ Kai was already hammered. He'd never been fully submersed in the drinking culture of his home country, so never developed the tolerance for alcohol that his peers had. Of course, that didn't mean he still didn't know how to knock them back. By the time Scott stopped serving him, Kai was past lubricated and well on his way to trashed, alcohol still being absorbed by his stomach.

Unfortunately, booze always made Kai pee. Well, what was unfortunate was that Kai wasn't sure if he could even stand, his head spinning and body tingling. It was euphoric; he was invincible. Rationally, Kai was aware that he wasn't, but he _felt_ like nothing mattered and everything mattered at the same time and he could do anything fearless.

He stood up. A man across the bar looked at him. The man walked over to Kai, who hadn't moved since standing as he couldn't quite get his bearings.

"Hi, I'm Casper," the other man said, taking a moment to find his words, "and you're pretty."

"Kai," is what Kai said before he could think of something else, "is my name."

"Kai, that's also a pretty name. A pretty name for a pretty girl." Casper smiled with one too many teeth. Kai was starting to get unnerved.

"Yeah."

Casper's hand snaked behind Kai's back, causing the latter to jump slightly, and immediately after, freeze. Not only was the unwelcome gesture awkward and confining, but if the guy had half a mind, he would soon figure out Kai's actual _situation_ in little time. He didn't know what to do, he felt trapped -

"Hey, are those _cuts_?" Casper asked as he snapped away abruptly; there was a look of disgust on his face. Kai self-consciously tugged his skirt down, but the guy was staring at his arms. His face contorted more every second, until Kai couldn't bear the scrutiny and the sweat beading on his scalp dripped down his face, his heart beating so fast and hard in his chest he thought it might burst.

He was not responsible for what happened next.

* * *

**Ok tbh this chapter and the whole story in general has been long in the works and I just decided to end this chapter here cause it was already getting long and I figured it was better to get it up sooner rather than later. Anyway, thanks to those who've reviewed, I appreciate every comment.**


	3. Nothing to See Here

Ray looked everywhere he could reasonably conceive of Kai being, at least of his own volition. He wasn't really a sociable guy, so the first places Ray looked were the ship's library, the steam room, and the tea lounge. Not finding his teammate there, he expanded his search to the sky deck, the gym, and even the casino (well, he wandered through there anyway) to no avail.

As he was passing by several eateries and the photo gallery, Ray heard a commotion at one of the bars. It sounded like quite a spectacle, and a minute later he saw a woman dash out madly. Not wanting to feed into the production, he turned his head and kept walking, trying to focus on finding Kai.

* * *

Kai's knuckles took more damage than the guy's face, he was sure. After dashing from the scene, hurtling down a few decks to evade the security crew (tripping over his own feet a few times along the way), and ducking into a random unlocked closet, they were still cracked and bleeding. Maybe if he'd cared for his hands more, instead of letting the harsh, dry air of their current climate draw the moisture from his skin, they'd be in better shape. Maybe if he'd cared more, period. His loss.

The second he was sure he wasn't being chased anymore, he shucked the disguise and used the thin shirt to scrub the makeup off his face. He would dispose of the remaining traces of his 'escapade' as soon as he could (the foam ceiling tiles looked appealing), but his current condition needed dealing with first. The tiny room was dark, but feeling around, he found a lucky switch on the wall by the door.

Oh. So it was a supply closet. Mops, buckets, rows of mystery chemicals, a faucet sticking out of the wall and what looked like a shower floor underneath. A dirty convex mirror, barely reflective, hung on the shelf just above eye level.

Staring at himself in the fish eye, Kai realized he was bleeding all over. Some of the cuts that were scabbed over had opened up again and left angry red streaks dripping down his body. Numbed by the alcohol, he neither felt it nor gave it much thought as he cleaned himself up with a dampened paper towel.

A few seconds later, Kai vomited.

It was a few retches, a few dry heaves, and a respectable-sized expectoration aimed at the drain. The lack of solid matter meant the evidence washed down easily.

He immediately felt better to his stomach, and sipped some water from the tap to wash out his mouth. He caught his eye in the mirror, taking in the pink cheeks and the unkempt hair and the alcoholic sweat gleaming from his features. A chaotic mess, to be sure, but somehow it _matched_ how he felt - confused and overwrought and somehow more upset than he meant to appear. Fugue.

Goddamnit, he was _overwhelmed_. Not just by his so-called "imaginary demons" but by the world at large. Everyone who saw him, at less than his best. The corruption. The poverty. They were the next generation, but they were already worse than the last. What was he contributing to the world? Nothing. _Nothing. _And he was _disgusting._

Damnit.

He had to get out of his head. Kai wasn't a stupid person, and he knew exactly where his thoughts were leading. He also knew that being alone while drunk was not the move today, especially considering his recent moods. But he wasn't dressed to party. Aside from his boxers, he wasn't dressed at all.

_Okay then,_ he thought. _Time for Act Three._

* * *

After wandering around for half an hour, Ray was about ready to call the search for his teammate quits. Honestly, Kai had to be _somewhere_ on the ship. Looking for him was just a waste of time at this point - if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be found. That was just his thing. And besides, he was probably fine.

Probably.

* * *

_This is fucking ridiculous_, Kai thought as he pressed his ear against the door, waiting until the hallway outside was completely quiet before he could make his move.

While contemplating how, exactly, he was going to make it back to his cabin unnoticed in his current 'exposed' state, inspiration struck. On the mad dash to his present location, Kai was pretty sure he'd passed a rack of white dress uniforms about a floor up, just outside the open stairwell. He figured he was down in the employee quarters, where all the functional components of the cruise ship were located, explaining why foot traffic was so sparse and the sound of the ship's motors so loud.

His idea was not a bright one, but given his distinct lack of options, Kai was ready to go for it. As soon as the two crew members talking right outside the closet would leave… oh wait, were they talking about him? He shoved his ear flatter against door to try to make out what they were saying.

"Yeah, I heard some chick socked a guy in the mouth over in Sea Sick Spirits and ran away," a whiny tenor voice said. "They haven't found her yet, but apparently the guy got her name. Nowhere to hide here!" He laughed.

Kai held his breath - this wasn't good. A gruff voice replied, sounding almost exasperated.

"My buddy Kyle was on shift at the time. Said the guy was concussed - no way he remembers anything right. Said the lady's name was 'Kyle,' too. Probably got all mixed up."

Kai relaxed just a little bit.

"Nah, they'll find her. Bitches these days are real crazy, huh? Thinking they can get away with anything… and I bet the guy was just tryna buy her a drink, get to know her. Maybe came on a little too strong, little too confident, and the bitch yelled 'rape,' why I oughtta-"

The gruff voice sighed loudly. "This is why all your ex-girlfriends have a restraining order against you, man. Get it together."

"Raff, you're trippin', I never did anything to 'em, swear it! They're all just crazy, that's why they're my _ex_-girlfriends, you wouldn't know it cause you're a big ol' flaming fag, you never had to deal with that shit…"

Kai's fists were clenched, trembling as the voices faded away until all he heard was the sound of the machinery. If he saw that creepy swine again (well, _heard_, as it were) he'd probably end up with more than just bruised knuckles.

But alas, the hallway was quiet and it was time to go. Cracking open the door, he checked once more that the coast was clear and then made a run for it.

* * *

Max and Tyson were deeply engrossed in a rerun of Kenan & Kel when Ray returned to their cabin. Neither of the two younger bladers looked up, but Kenny, who apparently had returned while Ray was away, noticed the worried look plastered across his face.

"What's up, Ray?" He asked, now concerned himself, and for no apparent reason. Ray shrugged.

"Oh - I, uh, was just surprised that Kai wasn't back by now. It's almost dinnertime, and I haven't seen him since this morning."

"Did someone say dinner?" Tyson, attention now torn from the television and focused solely on food, interjected.

"I'm staaaarving," moaned Max, clutching his belly. It indeed started to rumble.

Ray would have laughed at the antics of his teammates if he weren't preoccupied with the whereabouts of their captain, but instead his frown deepened. Checking himself, he forced his face into a neutral expression and tried to sound cheerful. "Well, I guess we should just go eat without him, then. Since they're just _dying_ of hunger," he said to Kenny sarcastically. Tyson and Max nodded emphatically, looking as pitiful as possible.

"All right then," Kenny replied, "where should we go?"

* * *

Kai almost ran straight into the wall, not having much in the way of balance at the moment. His vision seemed to be cutting in and out - or maybe it was his brain that was doing that. He forced himself to climb the stairs, lumbering against the wall to avoid falling.

It seemed like it took forever, but eventually he was on the next floor. Locating the rack was quick, but fumbling with the uniforms was not. Damn hangers. He had to dive into the clothing at one point to hide from a few crew members coming down the stairs, staining a few of the garments red in the process, but was able to avoid detection. He grabbed a shirt and pair of slacks and hightailed it back down to the closet.

He fumbled putting the clothing on and only realized after the fact that he had taken a uniform meant for someone three sizes too big, but it was too late to try to fix it. He was tired and out of sorts, and the nice lightheaded feeling he had gotten at the beginning of his binge had faded into a nauseating, ear-ringing dizziness that kept trying to pull him down the more time passed. He just had one more thing to do.

Somehow, he made it back to the Fiesta Deck to retrieve his clothes where he'd stashed them, changed back, did something with the uniform he pinched (Kai thought he probably shoved it somewhere - where, he had no clue), and made it back to the Bladebreakers' cabin before the rest of them returned from dinner. He forced a few glasses of water down his burning throat before collapsing into bed, knowing from experience the dangers of dehydration after a binge.

It was a terrible end to a terrible day, and it was barely nine o'clock.

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, I know it's been like... a year and I wasn't planning on continuing with this at all. I feel like I went a weird direction with the last chapter (as someone said, very OOC for Kai) and was considering just rewriting it but I'm lazy lol and after a while I wanted to see if I could make it work, once I decided to continue it. This chapter wasn't my favorite either, just a lot of describing what's happening, but I'm excited for the next chapter, whenever that's coming out. I'll try to be more prompt this time, but at least I have a plan for it. Should be better. Anyway, enough of this, please review, favorite, etc. if you liked this and want to see more. If not, constructive criticism is welcome! x Paz x**


	4. (Post)Crapulent (Dis)Comfort

Screaming. Fucking screaming. Who the fuck screams this early in the morning?

Kai wasn't sure he wasn't dreaming. Just in case, he pinched himself. Hard. When the loud, obnoxious noises continued, he dug his nails in. Nope. Must be either a very fucking vivid dream or… god forbid… his life…

After some inordinate amount of time that he wasn't absolutely certain was reality passed, the goddamn screaming stopped. His head hurt. He was going to kill whoever dared disturb his beauty sleep. Like. Once he woke up. But until there was no other choice, dreamscape it was…

God, he felt like absolute shit. He wasn't even sure why. _Am I dead?_ He could only hope.

_Am I… in heaven? _No such luck.

"Kai! Wake up!" The voice, the screaming one, the one he would stab if he had the strength (and the will to wake up), shouted in his ear. _I'm going to fucking kill whoever-_

"Kai!"

_What in god's name-_

"Are you dead?" The voice asked, slightly less loudly. Kai was tempted to just lay there, stiff, pretending to be, but the pain in his skull got the better of him.

"Hnnnnn."

"He's alive, y'all! The man is alive!"

Kai wanted to stab him. Whoever it was. His head hurt. His stomach hurt. His arms hurt. His spleen hurt. "Hnnnn."

"Tyson, knock it off. Let him sleep," a slightly less annoying voice, less close to his ringing ears, said.

"But-" Tyson, evidently, stuttered.

"Go take a shower, trust me, you need it."

"Ugh, FINE Ray!" The annoying voice slammed back. It was quiet after that. Kai was thankful.

His ears ached. His mouth was dry. He'd never felt so terrible.

* * *

An hour passed. Or a few minutes. Or a day. Maybe a century. He'd never know.

"Kai? Kai?" His shoulder had something on it. He swatted it away. It came back, shaking it back and forth. "Are you alright?" At the question, Kai's eyes cracked open. It was hard.

"Hnnnn…" he answered.

"Can you get up?" Ray asked, eyes filled with concern.

"Leave me alone," Kai answered, less aggressive than he normally would. He was tired as a… tired thing. He wanted to sleep, to be left alone. Why wouldn't they leave him alone?

"It's eight o'clock, Kai, you're normally up by now."

Kai's eyes shot open, the dried crust smarting his corneas. "I'm meditating."

He closed his eyes again. Finally he had a chance to use that excuse. He'd been preparing it for ages. Just waiting for someone to question his actions, just once! That'll show them, serves them right for questioning… this. The lack of response probably meant it worked. His head still hurt though.

Some time later, he was bothered again. By Ray, the only one he would tolerate at a time like this, or ever, if he was being honest. But now he was getting on his nerves.

"Come on, Kai, it's time to get up. What's the matter with you?" He asked.

Kai forced his eyes open. For some reason, he was feeling slightly less shitty than the last time he'd opened his eyes. Only slightly. He still felt like death warmed over, like he would crack at any second, and if he were being honest, he didn't entirely know why. Given the sensations, though, he would guess hangover.

"Get out of my face, Ray," he croaked with significantly less bark than his words would suggest. Nonetheless, he found the will to shove the comforter off himself and swing his legs over the side of the bed. The cold air of the room hit him all at once, making him shiver.

He didn't look at Ray as he stretched his arms over his head and arched his back to release the knots. He squeezed his eyes shut and open, shut and open to try to get the slumber out of them. Why did he feel so awful? Nothing compared.

He was still in his hoodie and cargo pants from the previous night, and briefly wondered why he wasn't in the sweats he usually wore to bed. Thinking about it almost gave him whiplash with how fast pieces of the previous night came crashing back to him. _Oh Lord what did I do…_

Luckily, no one was looking. Tyson and Max were laughing maniacally on the balcony about who-knows-what, and Ray was just stepping out of the bathroom, toothbrush in mouth. He looked at Kai, eyebrow raised._ How did he do that?_ Kai wondered. Kai could only raise the two at once, never one individually. He would work on it later.

Not gracing him with a verbal response, Kai used all his might to lift himself off the bed. It was tragic; he almost fell on his ass again, but he persevered. He hoped to god no one was looking, even though it was only Ray he had to worry about at his point; where the hell Kenny was, he didn't know. The nerd wasn't someone whose opinion really mattered to Kai, but if Ray was watching - was he? Kai threw his gaze toward where he saw Ray last - nope, he was digging around in his duffel for something apparently hidden deep. He could relax his defenses for half a second.

Okay. Bathroom. Easy. One foot in front of the other.

It was surprisingly hard to get his feet to coordinate, though; everything felt awkward, and the throbbing in his entire body wasn't helping much, His stomach chose the wrong moment to flip on him - he almost ralphed on the floor right behind Ray, but was fortunately able to keep in it by clenching his teeth and exhaling through his nose forcefully. He would _not _throw up in front of Ray. No. Not today, not ever.

He forced his feet to move him forward, toward the bathroom. Once inside, he shut the door loudly (a mistake, his head protested) and turned the lock. Rotating towards the mirror, he grimaced. He looked, how shall we shall, absolutely pitiful. Gray bags hung below his red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes, his skin had a pallor that he hadn't seen since his last encounter with the plague, and his hair was sticking up in ugly clumps around his head, as if he hadn't showered in a week. Well. He had to do something about _that._

While the shower was heating up, he raked his fingers through his unruly hair, willing it to cooperate. He didn't own a brush, but right now he was about regretting that. His hands were shaking. Abandoning the task, he stripped off his clothes and stepped under the hot mist, trying to command himself to reality, to stay in the present. His limbs ached, begging him to slide down to the floor and, hell, drown for all they cared, for he was _so_ tired, he just wanted to rest… there was no use in being awake, he was absolutely sure of it, but something in him screamed to open his eyes and force his brain to work, gears cranking along.

More memories of the past night came in chunks. He quickly shoved them into his mental trash bin, not wanting to relive them. He scrubbed the shampoo into his scalp.

The scabbed-over patches of his inner arms screeched at him as he worked his hands through his hair, rinsing it out. He really didn't want to reopen those wounds but at least the irritating sensation was something to focus on, pinning him to the present. The hot, soapy water stung a bit but it was nothing compared to the churning feeling in his gut and the persistent throbbing in his sinuses as they drained. Oh, and the mental turmoil of course.

Kai wasn't sure how long he spent in the shower, hoping it wasn't _too_ long but also just wanting to wash the shame and regret off him and not caring if it took all day. He was all pruned up by the time he shut the water off, feeling simultaneously cleaner than he'd ever been and dirty in a way that soap alone couldn't fix. _Maybe if I set myself on fire? Heat sterilization?_

He practically gagged in the sink while brushing his teeth, and after washing his face over five times between sad attempts at drawing on the blue triangles, he gave it up. His hands were too shaky to get a straight line, much less the elegant curvature of his usual warpaint. Feeling lousier by the minute, he popped the hood of his sweatshirt up and over his head, letting his hair hide his face somewhat, and stepped out of the bathroom.

Surprised to find that the rest of the team was still in their cabin, Kai grunted his displeasure.

"_Finally_ you're done, we've been waiting _forever_ for you dude," Tyson whined, looking at him upside down with his head hanging over the edge of the bed. He looked ridiculous.

"What were you waiting for, permission?" Kai bit back, slightly embarrassed to be put on the spot.

"No, we're going to get breakfast together!"

"Well, for you it's second breakfast," Max inserted playfully.

"So? If Kai had got his butt moving faster I'd be on my third by now! Come on, it's time to go! Before they run out of food!" Tyson attempted to jump up, but miscalculated and instead fell off the bed on his ass. Kai fought a smirk. "Hurry! We're going to be late!"

The rest of them stood up more gracefully, making to exit the room. Kai didn't budge.

"I'm not going," he spoke lazily when Ray insisted he come along.

"Yes, you are. You haven't hung out with us the past few days we've been on this cruise, and we waited for you this morning specifically so you could join us. Don't make me drag you," Ray added, knowing he would do it if it came to that. Kai sighed.

"I'd like to see you try," he slumped back on the bed, lacing his fingers behind his head and shutting his eyes. Half a second later, his upper arm was gripped and yanked upwards, forcing the rest of his body to follow, while he was hauled out of the room. Kai bit his tongue hard to keep from hissing at the pain in his forearms, where he was eighty-five percent certain the scabs were being torn apart by the twisting motion. He would deal with that later - meanwhile, who did this guy think he was? Dragging _Kai_ around like a dog on a leash or some petulant child - Ray better watch his back!

When they emerged on the Sky Deck, the sun hit Kai's eyes in a way that might strike others as beautiful, but at the moment he found appalling. Swiping a pair of sunglasses off a table, he fumbled trying to put them on with one hand. "You think you could take your goddamn hands off me?" He growled at Ray, who still held Kai's upper arm in a vice-like grip. The hand dropped quickly. He hadn't noticed he was still holding on.

Ray cleared his throat. "Wanna get food first or look for the guys?"

"Both options sound terrible."

Ray rolled his eyes. What a drama queen. "Well then I say we go to the buffet first. Before Tyson has a chance to demolish it."

"Hn."

They made their way inside to the buffet line, Ray grabbing two plates and handing one to Kai. He took it reluctantly. _What is his problem?_ Ray thought. First the oversleeping, then taking forever in the bathroom only to come out looking like a slob, and now taking out his piss-poor attitude on all of them (well, that part was to be expected, it was _Kai_ after all). And where did those sunglasses come from? Who wears sunglasses indoors?

Ray floated about the buffet counters, checking out the food offerings for something he hadn't tried yet. It was only breakfast, so there wasn't as large a variety as he would have hoped, but it certainly was… interesting. What was it with Westerners and their weird breakfast combinations? They had such an odd obsession with filling themselves up with the most unhealthy food imaginable, almost ritualistically, first thing in the morning. It was the most important meal of the day! He didn't want to be weighed down, and yet… that crispy bacon looked really good. And those eggs - just the right amount of solid and runny - he would obviously need something starchy to go with it. Where had he seen the hash browns? And there was a pancake bar, too! He was going to need another mouth.

Meanwhile, Kai was dragging his feet around as he searched for something to eat. Nothing really looked good to him, and the olfactory assault of cooking eggs and meat was utterly nauseating. He plucked some seedless grapes and put them on his plate, trying to keep them from sliding off. He decided to grab a banana, too, and some plain wheat toast to settle his stomach. Nothing else looked appealing.

Kai wasn't sure if he should wait for Ray or go off to find the others himself - while spending any amount of time around those little assholes was the last thing he wanted to do, he felt like he owed them at least to not disappear again, since they _did_ wait for him earlier (not that he asked). He ended up waiting for Ray, since he wasn't sure where the rest were and he didn't want to be seen just wandering around.

It didn't take long before the other sidled up beside him, arms full of plates stacked high with buns, pastries, breakfast meats, eggs made five different ways, fruit, and a number of strange concoctions that Kai had never seen before. It was actually quite impressive how he was able to balance so many dishes on his forearms without them falling, but it was probably just a skill he picked up working in restaurants. Was probably easy. Kai made a mental note to try it later.

"That's all you're getting?" Ray asked him around the bread sticks he had hanging out of his mouth. Kai shrugged.

"Not a breakfast person."

Thinking that checked out, Ray turned his attention to finding the guys. His acute hearing helped him locate them quickly on the other side of the dining room, which they quickly made their way over to. Both of their mouths were watering, but for different reasons. Ray couldn't wait to dig into his food; Kai was trying to avoid thinking about it altogether as bile splashed the back of his throat.

"Hey dudes, took you long enough! Nice shades, Kai! This food is fantastic, you should try the _paella_, it's got shrimp in it!" Tyson continued to blab on about the food he'd gotten - not pausing his eating while he did it, as per usual, and thoroughly grossing the others out. Kenny reprimanded him for it, and Max laughed at their antics. Ray was just too hungry to be put off eating, already digging in while avoiding looking directly at Tyson's mouth. He noticed that Kai had yet to touch his food. Actually, he looked a little green, now that Ray got a good look at him. He was just staring at his plate, as if he were willing it to - well, he wasn't really sure. Disappear? Dance? Catch on fire? Explode?

Kai felt miserable. He hadn't eaten in a day and a half, but he wasn't sure he could keep anything down if he tried. His head had begun to pound every time he moved it, though fortunately the relative darkness of the sunglasses helped the situation a bit. The thick woven fabric of his hoodie helped muffle the loudness of Tyson's obnoxious voice as well, though he briefly considered just taking it off and shoving it down the boy's throat instead. Would probably be much more effective that way.

After a few minutes, his stomach settled down a bit. Enough to compel him to pick up the toast and nibble at the crust. It was dry and tasteless, but that was just how he wanted it. That, he could deal with.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, being lost in his own thoughts as he forced down the rest of his meal (choosing to save the banana for later, no way was he going to eat such a gay food in front of the others). Somehow, they all finished at the same time.

"Ugh, I'm so stuffed. Why did I get so much food?" Ray groaned, rubbing circles over his midsection.

"Me too, those pancakes were something else," Max added, in a similar position as Ray but with a dreamy look on his face. "I can't wait for lunch."

Tyson let out a thunderous belch, drawing disgusted looks from the surrounding diners. "Me neither… hey, wanna go play shuffleboard? I hear there's a competition on the sixth deck, maybe I can pick up a championship title in that too before I become the _World Champion of Beyblading_. You know, just another notch on my belt, us winners have to defend our victory in all areas if we really wanna get respect these days…"

Ray had already tuned the others out, glancing at Kai, who seemed to have done the same. Not that that was _new_, exactly, but his whole demeanor seemed off-kilter lately. He wasn't sure why.

"Hey Ray, you coming?" Max touched his shoulder, grabbing his attention. Tyson and Kenny had already started walking off, and Max, the little angel he was, wanted to include everyone in their fun.

"Hm, no I don't think so. I gotta let this digest first," he motioned to his bulging belly, not really feeling like getting up.

"Oh, okay. See you later, then!"

As Max bounded away, Ray turned back to where Kai was - wait, what? How did he have a chance to disappear in the two seconds he was turned away? Freaking dark magic…

He tidied the table a bit, stacking the empty plates and gathering the cups together as he steeled himself to get up. He ate waaay too much. Oh well. Looked like he wasn't going to be doing anything the rest of the day, could hole himself up in their room until dinner, assuming he would be hungry by then.

Through sheer force of will, he was able to lift himself up. On the way back to the cabin, two images dominated his thoughts: himself, napping peacefully in those comfy beds with no one to bother him; and Kai, looking peaky and about to fall over at breakfast. Where did he go? And why was he acting so strange?

* * *

**Mkay so I started writing this after having a few too many moscow mules but I read it again today to write the second half and thought it was fine. Hopefully it isn't too boring, I feel like I'm so bad at pacing. Somehow I write so much and say so little! But fear not, cause I'm gonna try to speed it up a little more in the next chapters, only focus on the parts that are actually important. Till next time xxx**


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